Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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