yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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