Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
