how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
