when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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