But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
