Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
