I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
