Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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