shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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