can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
