cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize