He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
