i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
