I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
