Yo dont text me then not text me
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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