My hand turned me down
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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