conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
How does one acquire holy water?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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