yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
