Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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