i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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