a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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