I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
