carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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