Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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