You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
two words...techno handjob
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
