so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
