Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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