Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
