I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
