When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We are all done wearing pants today
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
