Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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