Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
