I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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