Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
