I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize