my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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