i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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