fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
