allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
And then he peed in my hair
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