i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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