If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize