party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
