I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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