You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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