I just cut my nipple shaving
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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