So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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