sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
