i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
