Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
