a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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