I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
