Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You may now shotgun with the bride
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Randomize
