Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Dear god my vagina.
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