fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
