If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
