I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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