Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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