her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
