my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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