My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
