shes about as inviting as chlamydia
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
