Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
