We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize