she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
