you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
