can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
