theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
