We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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