Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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