For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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