My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
