I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
