I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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