all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
