all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize