return my video game
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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