just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
