I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
