You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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