So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
