Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
