Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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