Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
