I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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