It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize