he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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