My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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