One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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