So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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