Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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