So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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