I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
