this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
