i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
